


Tempus edax rerum

by NekoRuka



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 15:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18479206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NekoRuka/pseuds/NekoRuka
Summary: You were the best thing I could ever lose.





	Tempus edax rerum

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in first person in YEARS but I hope it's not too bad :3  
> Title is in Latin and it means 'time devours everything'.

I look at you and you still manage to take my breath away. You never stopped. You're radiant, etherial. You're beautiful without even trying.

And I'm just darkness, thinking about the old days.

We fooled around a lot. The chemistry between us was undeniable, and so were the tension and the pent up desire. There were times during lives that I wanted nothing more than to fall on my knees before you, worshipping you, and lick the creamy thighs your tight shorts revealed. There were times during lives, you told me, that you wanted nothing more than to grab me and kiss me until we couldn't breathe.

And we used to do that and so much more in the privacy of a bathroom, my car, your place, my place. Your lips were fire, your touches made me feel alive, and it felt good to see bruises and love marks both on your skin and my own the following morning.

But then we started making it big as a band, we began to climb higher up the ladder. Years went by and we weren't the carefree young rock stars that we used to be anymore. We focused on our work, on our music; and the times that you whispered little dirty things at my ear in the dressing room before an encore grew fewer and fewer. 

I tried not to think too much of it until I tried to kiss you one night we had stayed at the studio until late, recording. You pushed me away with a kind smile, said that we weren't young anymore, that we had responsibilities, that we had a new album to work on and that was more important.

And that was when I realized it. I know you love me dearly as a friend - but I love you in more ways and on more levels than that. I always did, I just never gave it as much thought when we fooled around, when I still had you.

Back then you loved fucking me. And I'll be damned if I say I didn't love it just as much. But I was also helplessly falling in love with you. "I felt like I was getting married," I said about our kiss and I was too foolish to realize that underneath the humour, I wanted a future with you.

You're right here; we talk, we record, we make music together, we argue, we laugh. But it's not the same.

We do fanservice a lot and you happen to initiate it quite regularly; you don't know how I truly feel, I could never tell you. And I go along with it because having you like this is better than nothing and I die a little every time. I put all my love for you in every kiss I place on your cheek or your hair but you will never understand.

You're right here with me but you're not with me at all. I had you but I also never really did. And I know, as I smile back at you, that you were the best thing I could ever lose.


End file.
